Sunday, June 21, 2009

A Conspiracy

I, Melvin P. Snodgross, with my keen intellect, have spotted a conspiracy. It is the conspiracy of A -- as in the letter "A."

Do you doubt me? That is unwise, for the proofs I shall produce are unanswerable.


Of the seven continents on planet earth, the names of six begin and end with the letter "A." In alphabetical order, they are:
(1) Africa
(2) America, North
(3) America, South
(4) Antarctica
(5) Asia
(6) Australia
(7) Europe

Even the legendary lost eighth continent of Atlantis begins with the letter "A."

Do you not begin to see? What are the odds that six of seven of the names of the planet's continents should accidentally begin and end with the letter "A"? Clearly, there is a secret organization at work, some anonymous cabal with its own dark motives. This must be true, for happenstance cannot account for it -- no, far from it! A shadow organization has infiltrated our governments and schools of lexicography at the highest levels.

But have no fear, the time for action has arrived! I am leading the campaign to rename our continents, to end the nefarious dominion of the A People. No longer will we labor and toil under their iron hand; we shall rise up against them, and overthrow their terrible plot.

The new continent names shall be devoid entirely of the letter "A," and they shall be:
(1) Oomple (formerly Africa)
(2) Metroniggle (formerly America, North)
(3) Mismi (formerly America, South)
(4) Urktos (formerly Antarctica)
(5) Bunyipville (formerly Australia)
(6) Snodgrosston (formerly Europe and Asia)

Take heed, A People, your hour has passed!

- Uncle Mel


Anonymous said...

Yu haff no chaunce - vee are in control uff da ooniverse. Take um zilly namves and flee - vee come for yu.

-Mdme A

Sean said...

OK, Mdme A -- and it will do you no good to disguise your identity by talking like Keehar, I'm up to your game!

Anonymous said...

Pah! Snodgrass, yu haff zee beeg ego, zinking yu so smart. Vait...maybe zee "uff da" in mine last mezzage giff me gots to be more carevul uff ziss in future!

Mdme A

Sean said...

That's "Snodgross," if you please -- no "a," with the "o" in the second syllable pronounced like the "o" in the first syllable.

Anonymous said...

Yu turn down zee chAunce for stAtus, Snodgross. Vee vill vemember zis ven vee come for yu.

Vemeber zee AlAmo!

Sean said...