Oz vs. Wonderland

I wonder what an Oz vs. Wonderland grudge match would have been like?

When the Hatter's clock struck eleventeen, the Wicked Witch's Flying Monkey battalions launched a salvo against the halberdier card troops, smudging their rosy uniforms -- to the Queen's great chagrin.

A confused hedgehog ran the wrong way in the melee, causing the Munchkins to give pursuit after what was mistakenly thought to be a disordered retreat. Cresting the glade of frithy toves, the Lollipop Guild went down in an uffish heap to the rampaging Jabberwock, who inadvertently trampled the White Rabbit. He will be missed.

Matters momentarily turned worse for the Yellow Brick Roaders when the Duchess dowsed the combatants in pepper spray. The Tin Man, however -- unimpeded by the noxious fumes -- used his woodsman's ax to good effect and salvaged what he could of the Oz expeditionary force.

Their retreat was covered by the Good Witch of the North, who dropped a house on the Jabberwock; the burbling beast was subsequently helped free by the carpenter while the walrus recovered from a poppy-induced nap.