100 Prayers for Father

Palm Sunday

In 1959 Pulitzer Prize-winning Mount Holyoke professor Peter Viereck commented that "Catholic baiting is the anti-Semitism of the liberals" (i.e. American liberal intellectuals).

The success of Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code -- a badly-written novel that has all the historical integrity of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion -- is evidence of the point.

The individuals who are the easy and obvious targets for anti-Catholic and anti-clerical sentiment, with their uniform-like cassocks and white collars, are the parish priests. At least the priests have the fortitude to dress for battle.

If he is happy - he is a nuisance.

If he is grave and austere - he is bad tempered.

If he is handsome - why didn't he marry?

If he is ugly - nobody loved him.

If he is fat - he eats too much.

If he is thin - he is stingy.

If he is tall - he looks down on people.

If he is short - he looks like an altar boy.

If he owns a car - he likes material things.

If he walks - he is old fashioned.

If he goes to the cafe - he is a drunkard.

If he stays in the rectory - he is an introvert.

If he visits the faithful - he meddles in other peoples business.

If he stays in the Church - he doesn't care about the faithful.

If he visits the poor - he is a revolutionary.

If he delegates duty - he is lazy.

If he controls the activities - he is a tyrant.

If he teaches catechism - he is obsessed with hell.

If he doesn't teach - he doesn't like children.

If he preaches long sermons - he's boring.

If he preaches short sermons - he doesn't want to get tired.

If he makes comparisons with the life in the world - he blasphemes.

If he raises his voice - he screams.

If he speaks normally - you cannot understand what he says.

If he talks about Heaven - he is a modernist.

If he talks about hell - he is a Jansenist.

If he talks about the cross - he is an integrist.

If he asks for donations - he is greedy.

If he doesn't ask for donations - his bank account should be checked.

If he doesn't organize a party - the parish is dead.

If he speaks to the parishioners after Mass - he is not pious.

If he stays to pray after Mass - he is not interested in his parishioners.

If he keeps people in the confessional too long - he gets people tired and causes scandal.

If he hears confessions quickly - he does away with the Sacrament.

If he starts Mass on time - his watch is ahead.

If he fixes up the Chapel - he wastes people's money.

If he doesn't fix up the Chapel - he doesn't care about the Chapel.

If he looks after the youth - he wants them in the convent.

If he looks after the married couples - he does not care about vocations.

If he is young - he lacks experience.If he is old - he should retire.

If he is in between - he is in a critical age.

Do as he may - or even if he does nothing - he will never be right!

But if he leaves who will take his place?*

So starting next Easter Sunday I'll begin a new campaign: for 100 days -- from April 12 through July 21 -- I'll offer a daily rosary for my parish priest, for the Pope, and for all the priests from whom I have received the sacraments. You're invited to join me with a daily prayer of your own.

Hoc est bellum.

* My apologies for the lack of attribution on this list of Ifs; it's just something that made its way to my in-box one day. If someone can provide the source I'll gladly give credit.

It's a Living

Source

A report from a few years back describes a joint University of Hertfordshire and British Council study that measured the average rate of speed for pedestrians in 32 cities around the world.

Here are the Top 10 results of this Pedestrian Olympiad, which measured how long on average it took people to cover 60 feet:
(1) Singapore; 10.55s
(2) Copenhagen (Denmark); 10.82s
(3) Madrid (Spain); 10.89s
(4) Guangzhou (China): 10.94s
(5) Dublin (Ireland); 11.03s
(6) Curitiba (Brazil); 11.13s
(7) Berlin (Germany); 11.16s
(8) New York (USA); 12.00s
(9) Utrecht (Holland); 12.04s
(10) Vienna (Austria); 12.06s

Who would have thought that Dubliners would outpace New Yorkers? The Middle East tended to have the slowest pace of life.

The line of the article that got a chuckle from me was, "Researchers who secretly studied pedestrians in 32 cities..." (italics mine).

How would you like that job: get paid to travel the world to sit around and discreetly use a stop-watch to facilitate people-watching?

I'm reminded of research I did in college for a linguistic neologist. One of my tasks was cataloging thousands of hand-written 3x5 index cards with notes on them like "From the New York Times" and "Overheard in a bar." It turns out that there were quite a few of the latter; apparently eaves-dropping on bar-room banter is standard fare for the compilers of dictionaries. Who knew?

UK's Brown: End Ban on Royal Catholics

Source

Today the British government endorsed the idea of lifting the ban on Catholic royals.

The Act of Settlement bars any non-Protestant from succeeding to the throne.

The bill introducing the measure to repeal the Act of Settlement won't be voted on at least for another year, however.

This Date in History

Feast of the Annunciation

On this date in T.A. 3019, Frodo Baggins cast the One Ring into the Cracks of Mount Doom. This act precipitated the ruin of Barad-dûr and the fall of the Dark Lord Sauron, and the world was made brighter thereby.

Map of SSPX Chapels in the U.S.

Here's a Google map showing all the SSPX chapels in the U.S.

Quem Quaeritis?

"Why are men so reluctant to marry?" the question was coyly posed.

"Why are women so reluctant to stay married?" I answered teasingly.

"Huh?" was the startled reply.

In the U.S. 70% of divorces are initiated by the wife. Certainly middle-aged men still trade in the mother of their children for trophy wives; definitely there are cases of infidelity and abuse and criminal activity that warrant a permanent split. But at the end of the day the overwhelming majority of breakups are not because of these factors -- rather, selfishness and boredom are the major culprits.

I recognize full well that societal norms are far different today than they were even a generation ago, when the phrase "irreconcilable differences" started to catch on in a big way.

This in my view makes it abundantly clear that societal norms need to subjected to serious overhaul. With that thought in mind, here's a checklist to help correct the worst marital excesses stemming from today's societal norms.

* Marriage is for life. This is not merely sentiment -- that is, when the words "For as long as we both shall live" are uttered, it is a binding obligation. The spouses can separate (even permanently) when the physical or moral well-being of one or both is gravely jeopardized, but the man and woman remain bound in matrimony as husband and wife until one of them dies. And if your spouse leaves, you do not remarry.

* Marriage is for family. I will never, under any circumstance, no matter who is involved, attend the wedding of a couple who has declared that they refuse to have children. When done properly raising children is a great remedy to selfishness -- you have to be generous and selfless until it hurts to be a good parent. And "family planning" is a misnomer; "family prevention for selfish reasons" is the correct phrasing. I will never show support for someone else formally committing themselves to a selfish lifestyle.

* Marriage is a religious act. Humans did not create marriage, God did. Governments can add some conditions like obliging couples to complete paperwork, but they do not have final say in the matter. For that reason, governments are entirely incompetent to declare marriages ended; the state can oversee division of property and assets, but they cannot declare a married couple to no longer be wedded.

Quem Quaeritis?

Maireann croí éadrom i bhfad

Maireann croí éadrom i bhfad =
A light heart lives longest (in Gaelic)

Erin go bragh